the moment i knew

You are all my thoughts

The words I long to say out loud.

You are all the unanswered letters and tears soiling my pillows.

The unsaid words and unsolved fights.

So much of what I love but not mine at all.

This is an open letter.

I have never loved anyone as much as I loved you and that love doesn’t just go away.

It lives in my cells, the pain I feel everyday and mostly in memories I have of you.

That’s the flaw of falling in love with me.

Yours will die with you.

My love for you will live on with me, with everything I say.

Everything I see and write.

You will be the cold place in my head,

the precedent for anyone else I will love.

I will write you into my sunsets and the walls of my home.

I wish things were different.

It’ll take another life because I can’t survive losing you twice in this one.